DEAR MISS MANNERS: I no longer give big birthday or holiday gifts. I do this because a family member died after I had purchased his Christmas gift.
Instead, I give gifts irregularly throughout the year, as I make or come across something that a person will like. I might also repair something for them as a gift, or shovel their snow. Once, I drove someone to outpatient surgery and back, and cared for them until their spouse came home.
Everyone still gets a token gift for their birthday and Christmas. I will say, “You liked last year’s gift so well, I made you another so you’d have a pair.” Or, “You barely got any cookies last year, so I made a batch for you to take home.”
But some people make it known that they feel insulted by the paltriness of what they receive. Please advise me, Miss Manners, on how to either change my ways or ignore this unpleasantness.
GENTLE READER: No one should be challenging the relative paltriness of your presents. The ones you named actually sound thoughtful to Miss Manners, even if the way in which they are delivered seems a bit aggressive.
But for her own clarification: Your reasoning for not giving more substantial presents is that the recipients might die? Welp. There is your answer, if anyone expresses insult: You are simply trying to save that person’s life.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
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